Glad That You're Sad . . . . . .

Conversation with Christopher on the way home from school :

Me: How was school?

Chris: Good. Did Andy miss me?

Me: Ya. He did.

Chris: Did he miss me a lot?

Me: Yep.

Chris: What did he say? Did he say that he missed me?

Me: Yep. He asked where you were. I told him you were at school and that you would be home soon.

Chris: Did he say that he missed me and that he wanted to go to school too?

Me: Ummmm. Yep. Sure. He said that too :)

Chris: Did he cry? Did he cry all day?

Me: Ummmm. Yep. He cried. He cried allll day (really he did. terrible twos going on in our house!). He was so so sad.

Chris: Good.

Best Buds :)

Being Real . . . .

I try to keep my posts light hearted and happy.
I try to let people know that I am blessed and grateful.
But, sometimes I am frustrated and defeated.
It happens to us all.
You have no idea how many posts I write and then never publish because I don't want to seem depressing.
Well, this one might slip through today because sometimes -
I like being REAL.
I like people to know that my house, my kids, my life is not perfect.
Don't we all want to know that about each other??

This was the last day of school this week.
Christopher did great.
When I went to pick him up today the teacher stopped me and said, "He had some trouble with using scissors today. He could barely hold them. We had to stop and help him. Have you taught him to use scissors?"
I just stared for a minute. "Well, yes I have. He struggles with that."
She says, "Well, that's something you really should be working on with him at home."
I smiled and said I would.
Inside I was screaming.
Cutting with scissors!! CUTTING with scissors!!

You want to know what we have been WORKING on at home to get him ready for school!

I've been teaching him:
How to not be afraid of the toilet flushing.
How to not be afraid of USING the bathroom.
How to put pants on.
How to HOLD a pencil, let alone write with it.
How to control his emotions when overwhelmed.
How to PLAY with other children.
How to open a car door.
How to say his name correctly.
How to go down a slide.
How to recognize another person's facial expression and what it means.
ETC. ETC. ETC.

I don't blame the teacher. I try to help her understand. I wrote her a letter explaining his issues and I talk to her before and after school. But, it's never enough. I don't blame her at all. She is a nice woman. I don't hate her for saying that. I hate the loneliness that comes along with what she and others say. The feeling that I can never explain how much this boy is going through and that I can't just CHANGE how his brain works. I can't MAKE his brain tell his hand when to put pressure on the scissors to make them work. I am overwhelmed with the things I need to teach him. Not only to be a good person, but how to function as a human being.

While I do try to keep my blog happy and light hearted, there are things that need to be said sometimes. Though I did not choose for my son to have this disorder I can choose how I make his voice and others heard. I feel like it is an obligation that comes along with the autism. This father made an amazing video for his daughter. I really love it. Click here to watch. He helps me feel a little more willing and brave to share my own thoughts on how autism is affecting me.

Please don't think I am a grumpy, bitter person :)
I love my family and my life.
I am blessed beyond words.
But, sometimes I just need to be REAL.

First Day . . . .

This could be categorized as another one of our "Look How Far We've Come!" posts.

A year ago (heck, 6 months ago!) I was thinking public school may not be an option for our little guy.

We have come so far!!

Today was the first day of kindergarten.

He was ready and brave.

He found his seat,

was VERY excited about having his own eraser :), asked Daddy and Mommy if they were staying (we said no), he waved good-bye and that was that.

I picked him up at school and his teacher said, "He did really well. His questions were appropriate, he was on task, and he is soooo cute."

That's my boy.
That's my amazing boy.
I know there will be hard days to come, but he is going to DO it!
We are so so proud.

The new guy . . . .

Guess what??

I am FINALLY an aunt on my side of the family!
Congratulations to my brother and his wife and their new little guy.

He is the cutest little bundle you have ever seen.

I told my sister in law, after cuddling him for awhile, I could take him home if she wanted some rest ;)
She declined.
She's pretty attached to the little guy ;)
She is going to be a fabulous mommy.

It is also so fun to see my brother as a daddy :)

Welcome to the family Ryker!!

Robot Room . . . . .

The boys have finally joined forces!

They share a room now and they are LOVIN it.

Wanna see??

Ta-da!


I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out considering I tried my hardest to do it cheaply.

My mom and I painted the chevron stripe wall.
It seriously took us a million years to figure this out!!
We were so deliriously tired and confused we just laughed the whole way through.
Starting over and over again with our tape.
Oh man. We are special, Mom :)
So, don't ask me how to paint a chevron wall. I have nooooo idea. Ha ha.

My sweet, wonderful, amazing friend Misti cut these spectacular vinyl robots for their room.

Check out her website. She is THE best! Thank you dear Misti!!
They are every boys dream.
Thank you Mom and sister Jamie for helping me apply them.
Again, we laughed the whole way through struggling to apply them.

They got the red bunk bed my siblings and I had as kids.


Good memories. Hope my boys have the same.

I made some cheap art.

Maybe a little too cheap looking?? Ha ha.

Oh well, the kids like it.

I repurposed some old pillows I had with some funky fabric.
I also painted an old lamp I found a bright red and added red ribbon to the lamp shade to try and modernize it.


I love it. 6 bucks.

I love having my boys in the same room and hope they will develop that bond that can only be done in close quarters.
Let the fighting begin!!

One year . . . . .

Today was the last day of Christopher's swimming lessons.

It has also been ONE year since his diagnosis.
Remember when I told you a year ago (like you really do) that I was telling you about his diagnosis purely for selfish reasons?
I was telling you so that I could look back and see how far we have come.
Boy, have we come far.

It was one year ago that I realized that something wasn't right.
We were at our first day of swimming lessons.
We entered the building and he immediately started complaining about the smell.
He was so worried about the smell.

They asked him to shower before going to the pool.
He screamed and cried and was TERRIFIED of the shower.

We got to the pool and he put his hands over his ears and screamed at the top of his lungs for 20 minutes straight.
We finally got him in the pool and I watched him anxiously.
He ignored the other kids. His teachers would call and call his name and he wouldn't even turn around. It was as if he couldn't hear.

He was terrified of the slide, terrified of waiting in a line, terrified by the sound of the diving board.

I was shocked and horrified. What is wrong with my happy, sweet boy?

Thus began a year of doctors, therapy, interviews, worry, tears, even despair.

HOWEVER . . .
I have learned so much in a year.
I've learned that autism is not my son.
He is an incredible boy that has the trial of pushing through this disorder that has taken over his little body.
I've learned that even though he is small, he is stronger than anyone I know.
I've learned that I can do things I never thought possible.
I can push through despair and worry to help my child.

Wanna know how this year's swimming lessons went??

He took a shower without too much hesitation.


He still hates the feel of it, but he is brave.


He was all smiles when he got in the pool.


He listened to his teachers and had a blast with the other kids.



He waited in a line and he went down the slide. (he even went off the diving board)



I read a good article by a mom of an autistic daughter. She said that as a mother of an autistic child you will form a team of people that you will love. Love, more than they will love you. It is beyond true. I love his team of doctors and therapists who are helping my son gain confidence and overcome his fears.

What an amazing year.
Lots of sad blog posts (sorry).
But, hopefully, lots of very happy ones to come.
Thanks for listening.

Things We Love Lately . . . . . .

This week has been a busy one so far.

Swimming lessons, therapies, errands, house cleaning, and Mommy coming to the realization that school is starting soon.
That means school supply shopping, school clothes, registration, and my baby leaving me for almost 6 hours a day.
Not just my first born beautiful boy entering school, but a boy who also needs some specialized care.
Can I really trust him in the hands of another? Mommy is stressed.


So, because I have so much to do and so much to think about, I am going to blog????
Yep.


Some things I love lately . . . . . .

I love thrifting. Sigh.
I found something spectacular at the thrift store.
I love these lanterns that are popping up in all the home decor stores and on design shows.





They are EXPENSIVE!
Like 50 bucks expensive.

Well, I found one in my local thrift store.


A beautiful, brand new one that I had seen before at a home decor store for about $50.
I got it for 4 bucks! FOUR!
The lady at the front desk said "Oh, I'm glad someone is buying this. I have no idea what this thing is and no idea how much to charge for it."
I just smiled (I admit I felt a tinge of guilt).
It seriously was a steal!
I have no idea why someone would dump this thing at their local thrift store.
Thank you person who dumped this $50 lantern at your local thrift store!!


I love that shark week is almost here!!!
I know. It's weird, right?
I have always been fascinated with sharks and I love learning about them.
Happy Shark Week everyone!




I love that we are getting all our fruits and veggies from a local farm this summer.
Fresh lettuce!!


So tasty!

Beautiful dark red cherries!


Our dessert every night.

Gotta love fresh produce!

What are you loving or (like me) trying not to think about this week??