There ya have it . . . . .

Hello out there?

 

Anybody still read this thing?

 

I've been pretty terrible at posting.  I guess 3 crazy boys are my excuse :)

 

I am posting today for one thing, and one thing only - TO VENT. 

 Oh, how I need to vent!! 

 Feel free (if you still read this thing) to look over this post and wait for some pictures of my adorable baby :)

 

Just so ya know . . . .

I know my oldest son.  I know what he likes.  I know what he does NOT like.  I know what makes for a bad day in Autism World.  And yet, people still do not trust that I know this.  People who have no clue what autism is about.  Let me give you an example . . . .

 

The other day I knew our day was going to be a doozy.  Christopher missed the bus.  He missed the bus because I forgot to remind him to keep walking and not to play in the snow until he got to the bus stop.  Yes, I have to remind him of this every day.  When something goes wrong in Christopher's schedule, his whole day can be affected.  I anxiously got all my kids in the car to go to school.  Just then, the phone rang.  It was his therapy place.  His occupational therapist was sick and so they only needed him for an hour.  His therapy is clear across town.  To bring him there for an hour is ridiculous for me.  Packing and unpacking all the children is like a circus.  I told her to just cancel his therapy for the day.  I told Christopher and told him to tell his teacher.  Another change in his schedule and he was getting even more anxious.  I got him to school and then his therapy called back and decided that he needed to come.  Ahhh!  Now I have to change his schedule for a 3rd time!!  They insisted and so I called the school and changed it again.  He had a rough day at school after that.  Ripped papers, wouldn't do his handwriting.  His teachers ask me if I forgot to give him his medication that day.  Nope.  They ask me if I can do more volunteering.  I barely had a shower that day.  No makeup.  I tell them not this week.  They don't know that in my heart I would spend every day in that classroom if I could.

 

We survived all that. 

 

When he got home, he asked if he could play at a friend's house.  I knew that he was feeling a little anxious, but someone that day had told me that I worry about him too much and that she didn't get what the big deal was.  I doubt myself.  Am I an overprotective mother?  I let him go to his friend's house.  He comes home and starts into his tantrums, his anxiety, his anger.  He is soooo hard to calm down.  I am frustrated and tired. 

 

Then, a few people from church call to tell me about a relief society activity that night. 

 I tell them I won't make it. 

 

"There will be babysitting there!"

Me :  "I'm sorry, I just don't think I will make it and Davin won't be home until late."

"Oh, just come!  You will be fine!" 

I can tell in their voices that they do not believe me and think that I am just trying to get out of coming.

 

I get off the phone feeling antisocial and like everyone in the world knows it.

On top of all this craziness I have two other children to take care of, a house to clean, meals to make, homework (it takes him almost an hour to write ONE sentence), and my church duties on Tuesday and Sunday . . . . all without a husband (he is working hard for our family this busy tax season :) ) 

Some days it is just too much.

 

I have one thing to ask in all of this venting -

If you know someone with a child who has ANY form of autism, GIVE THEM A BREAK!  If they are antisocial, it is not because they want to be.  If they can't make it to that birthday party or that easter egg hunt, it is because they are protecting their child.  If they sound overprotective, it is because they have to be in order to survive their day.  

 

I know tomorrow I will feel better and I will move on with my life - loving my son and all of my blessings along the way.  But, for today - I am tired. 

There ya have it :)