It's a . . . . . .

Baby.

We are having a baby.

We are having a BABY!

New baby's picture is up on the fridge, mingling with his (or hers') brothers' pictures.

I got baby's picture taken today at the doctor.

This pregnancy has been strange for me.

The smile has been there on my face and the words "we are excited" have come flowing out of my mouth without hesitation.

But, in my heart I was afraid, anxious, and somewhat numb.

It may sound strange to others, but I was feeling guilty about this pregnancy.

I know that by already having a child with autism, the odds are greater that I will have another one with those issues.

I honestly considered not having more children.

I was surprised when they took me into the ultrasound room at the doctor.

They said they like to do an ultrasound at the first appointment.

They said this would be fun because usually most patients aren't far enough along to see much.

I am 14 weeks and the baby would be much more formed.

And formed it was.

A perfect little outline of baby's head, nose, mouth.

Little legs and toes kicking.

Little arms and fingers moving up and down.

A heart beating in its' little body.

There was a little person growing inside me.

I was so emotional on the 30 minute drive back home.

I was no longer numb.

I felt this baby.

I felt that I was not a selfish person for bringing this new life to our family.

This baby was a blessing from God.

My Christopher, with all his struggles, has taught me so much.

He has taught me that life is precious.

He has taught me that some of the most beautiful people on this Earth are the ones that are "different".

Whether this next baby has some difficulties like Christopher or not, it will be special and loved by our family.

We are having a baby!!