We had a Christmas party at our church a couple days ago.
I love our church.
I love the people at our church.
I love Christmas parties.
I DO NOT love taking my poor boy to a crowded party.
Christopher is a boy of opposites.
He is a social butterfly with no inhibitions, yet becomes incredibly anxious in large crowds.
We are in the buffet line and the anxiety is already building.
He is afraid that they will run out of food.
He is afraid that they will not have anything he likes.
He is afraid that people will cut in line.
He is afraid that he will drop his plate.
The line is noisy. People are grabbing around each other. People accidentally touching.
He starts to meltdown. We are trying to get through the line fast, all while holding on to two children and 4 plates of food.
He is crying and getting angry.
People notice and try to calm him down . . . . .with teasing. Ugh.
(A little info : autistic kids can have a wonderful sense of humor. However, when stressed, they may take things you say as very very literal.)
He grabs for some chocolate pudding telling me the whole time "There is not going to be enough! I'm not going to get any!"
A man next to us says jokingly "You can't have that! Chocolate for dinner! Better put it back!"
Christopher's eyes get as big as saucers and he looks at me horrified.
This makes things worse.
What do I say to this nice man who is only trying to help?
It is a dilemma you run into EVERY day when you have a child with autism.
Do I tell him to stop teasing and hope that he takes it the right way?
Do I tell him my child has autism and wait for the look of I totally don't get what that has to do with me teasing him about pudding?
Nope. I decide on the try to nicely ignore him approach. I hope he thinks that I am too preoccupied and didn't hear him.
We made it through the line and are searching for a seat when that familiar, nasty, ugly thought creeps into my brain. We are not normal.
I try hard to push the thought from my mind, but some days it seems so impossible.
Then, I hear the announcement that Santa Claus has arrived!
Christopher immediately jumps up and runs to see.
I'm worried. Will he be okay in that room full of crazy kids?
Will he meltdown waiting in a line for Santa?
I give him a few minutes to see how he will do on his own and then head over to peek in on the situation.
What I saw made my heart sing.
He sat with the other kids with big bright eyes.
Totally enthralled with the magic of it all.
Then, for that moment we are normal.
He is just a kid enjoying the magic of Christmas.
We couldn't convince Andy to see Santa.
He just quietly snuck by to get his ornament off the Santa tree.
Love that boy.
The rest of the night went smoothly.
He participated in the Christmas program as a shepherd with his best buddy Abby (the angel)
We left tired, but satisfied that we had given our child a chance to be a normal boy.
And, If you really knew my boy you would know that he is better than normal.
I love the people at our church.
I love Christmas parties.
I DO NOT love taking my poor boy to a crowded party.
Christopher is a boy of opposites.
He is a social butterfly with no inhibitions, yet becomes incredibly anxious in large crowds.
We are in the buffet line and the anxiety is already building.
He is afraid that they will run out of food.
He is afraid that they will not have anything he likes.
He is afraid that people will cut in line.
He is afraid that he will drop his plate.
The line is noisy. People are grabbing around each other. People accidentally touching.
He starts to meltdown. We are trying to get through the line fast, all while holding on to two children and 4 plates of food.
He is crying and getting angry.
People notice and try to calm him down . . . . .with teasing. Ugh.
(A little info : autistic kids can have a wonderful sense of humor. However, when stressed, they may take things you say as very very literal.)
He grabs for some chocolate pudding telling me the whole time "There is not going to be enough! I'm not going to get any!"
A man next to us says jokingly "You can't have that! Chocolate for dinner! Better put it back!"
Christopher's eyes get as big as saucers and he looks at me horrified.
This makes things worse.
What do I say to this nice man who is only trying to help?
It is a dilemma you run into EVERY day when you have a child with autism.
Do I tell him to stop teasing and hope that he takes it the right way?
Do I tell him my child has autism and wait for the look of I totally don't get what that has to do with me teasing him about pudding?
Nope. I decide on the try to nicely ignore him approach. I hope he thinks that I am too preoccupied and didn't hear him.
We made it through the line and are searching for a seat when that familiar, nasty, ugly thought creeps into my brain. We are not normal.
I try hard to push the thought from my mind, but some days it seems so impossible.
Then, I hear the announcement that Santa Claus has arrived!
Christopher immediately jumps up and runs to see.
I'm worried. Will he be okay in that room full of crazy kids?
Will he meltdown waiting in a line for Santa?
I give him a few minutes to see how he will do on his own and then head over to peek in on the situation.
What I saw made my heart sing.
He sat with the other kids with big bright eyes.
Totally enthralled with the magic of it all.
Then, for that moment we are normal.
He is just a kid enjoying the magic of Christmas.
We couldn't convince Andy to see Santa.
He just quietly snuck by to get his ornament off the Santa tree.
Love that boy.
The rest of the night went smoothly.
He participated in the Christmas program as a shepherd with his best buddy Abby (the angel)
We left tired, but satisfied that we had given our child a chance to be a normal boy.And, If you really knew my boy you would know that he is better than normal.
8 comments:
The second picture down is one of the sweetest picture I have ever seen. It is pure joy and believing in the magic of Santa and Christmas. In the midst of all the crap, Heavenly Father sends us tender mercies.
Is any person or family really "normal"? I don't think so, we all got something.
Julie- I guess I don't really mean "normal" in those terms. Just ABLE to function and enjoy life the way a neurotypical person does. Believe me, we really do all have our issues. Ha ha.
I really enjoyed all of the pictures!! It truely looks like magic in Christopher's eyes. He is such a sweet little boy! Thanks for sharing!
I know I've said it before, but I'm so glad you're sharing this stuff so publicly. I'm sure it's probably hard for you to do, but it really is opening my eyes. I'm looking differently at things and not assuming I know the whole story. All thanks to you! And I stress at our ward functions that there won't be enough food too. . .okay, that there won't be enough dessert. But that's my own issue. . .
Thank you Christine for your sweet words! That means a lot. Thanks for giving me a little laugh as well. That also means a lot. :)
I also love that picture of Chris watching Santa-so cute! I get stressed at large ward gatherings so I can only imagine the stress it causes you and Chris, but you are always able to handle it and get through. I agree with Christine in my gratitude for you sharing your experiences. It's so easy to judge others when you don't know their situation and it's always good to be reminded that everyone has their own share of trials and problems, and our job is just to support and help each other.
Thanks for your comment on my blog! I actually thought of you when writing it. And I wonder, do you ever ask yourself if you should write about these things? I do. I never want to come across as "poor me" or anything, yet I feel like it could be helpful for people to understand what it's like. I'm glad you post about the good, bad, and ugly times too. I think most people out there truly care once they "get it".
Sorry for the long comment. This is just an issue that is very big to us right now! :) Hope you and your family have a beautiful week.
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